This new existence exhausts me. It’s like the very air is suffocating. I don’t mind the long days and evenings at home. It really isn’t that different from my normal life. But the atmosphere is toxic. When I get on Facebook, I see the confusion and strife. When I go out, I see the concern and paranoia. I’m not saying it’s unfounded, it’s just a lot for this empath to process.
I feel everything, down deep into my bones. Some days it’s all I can do to not curl into a ball and give up. Do you ever wish the constant ness of life would just cease for a moment? I do.
On Tuesday, I was weary and feeling this ways. I had just finished my adult ballet class on zoom. Dance classes are already a challenge for me on so many levels, so trying to do them through zoom has made me crazy. I try to glean what I can from class and not worry about the rest, but sometimes its just too much.
This particular Tuesday night was cold and rainy. I stood in my downstairs living area right after class, zoning out as I watched rain fall through the sliding glass door. I am drawn to the outdoors. I do believe God created us to enjoy and have dominion over the earth, so when we are separated from the wilderness for to long it is detrimental to our being.
I walked outside into the backyard. No shoes, only in my gym clothes, I stood in the cold rain. Burying my feet in the grass and mud, I took a deep breath. There is something about being outside that brings relief to the soul. God meets me in those moments. Everything dimmed, and all was right in the world again. I knew I only had about twenty minutes until I turned into an ice cube, so I walked around in the yard and enjoyed the cold rain pinging on my shoulders.
I guess my point in sharing this is that we have to find the things that will slow down our lives and cut through the monotony of life. Just being in the cold rain invigorated me and reminded me that ultimately, God is good and everything will be okay. The simple act of walking around the yard, and burying my feet in the mud, cut through the smog of how other people feel and the confusion of our time.
We need to have grace for ourselves, and take time to recover from the world. How often do we get caught up in our culture instead of God’s culture? The Lord has a totally different perspective and refreshment to heap upon us if we would only stop long enough to receive it.
I know this was a bit rambling today. That is how my life feels right now. One long winded, rambling sentence that bleeds into the next. I am trying to remember to add the commas and periods back into my life. Don’t forget to stop and breathe. God has all the refreshment you will ever need.
From me to you,