Thats A Wrap!
I graduated last week. It is still surreal. I wish I could say that I was one hundred percent ready to graduate, but I can’t. A big part of me wishes I could rewind time and relive the last nine months.
I don’t think there is much I would have done differently, except to hold on to each moment a little longer. The last nine months were so sweet. Through each moment of pain, triumph, and celebration I lived the season to its fullest.
Today I have been really reflecting on God’s kindness. He is so kind and it never ceases to amaze me. I am still in awe of all that God did in my life during BSSM. Not only were the moments of heart healing and encountering God, I was also surrounded with a community like never before. I got to be in a thriving greenhouse of teaching and theology that always pointed back to the word of God. There was an environment of empowerment and self responsibility that gave me space to flourish. God is so kind and I am utterly grateful for this season.
As all things in life, transition comes. I am sad to see my BSSM first year experience come to an end. I know the next season will be amazing in its own right, but the change doesn’t come easy to me. Transition is an area I am learning to thrive in. Most of the time, God still has to drag me kicking and screaming into the next season. Which is why He is so kind. Haha. I am learning to catch up to Him even when I don’t feel ready. Thankfully He always meets me in the process.
The hardest part for me is saying goodbye to my community and friends here in Redding. I have so many beautiful relationships that have come out of this year. I am so thankful for technology, so I don’t have to be fully separated from them. Each hello and goodbye increases the capacity in my heart to love more deeply and fully. Or at least that is what I have heard. I don’t know if I’m fully convinced yet. Hehe. I wouldn’t change all the beautiful moments of connection and intimacy that I have had this past year. It is worth the goodbyes and pain of separation.
I didn’t get accepted into Bethel Conservatory of the Arts. I don’t know the details, except that I got denied. As you all could imagine, this came as an utter shock and let down for me. I felt like I had been hit by a train for several weeks. All I can say is that it was God clearly shutting the door in my face as He tends to do from time to time.
Although I am disappointed, I know God has a better alternative for me. (Now if He would only tell me what it is) I am truly walking step by step with Jesus right now. I don’t have any concrete plans on what the future holds in my life at the moment.
I am coming back to Virginia for the summer to work and spend all the time with my family. I am also in the process of applying to BSSM second year. The desire of my heart really lies in coming back to California for second year. I don’t feel done with Redding yet. It truly feels like home now.
In the end, all I want is to be where Jesus puts me. He is top priority. Whatever avenue He leads my down will be the best option. Personally, I really hope that avenue is second year. I guess it’s time to jump off the cliff into the unknown again. It’s funny how predictable, yet unknown and scary life is. We always know there will be bends in the road, but what is behind the the next bend?
From me to you,